still here

4 weeks since i've written.  I've been meaning to write sooner, so much happens with duckie on a day to day basis and all i want to do is share it with anyone that will listen.  Unfortunately every time i feel the itch to get on the computer a certain someone gives a shout and needs a diaper change, or to be burped, or fed, or held.  She also has uncanny timing of wanting to eat just as her mom is about to put that first spoonful into her own mouth.

Where to begin...

Babygirl is 10 1/2 weeks old, over 11 lbs now, has had 2 vaccination shots, her first fever (102.1), first road trip (2.5 hours to charlotte), put up her first christmas tree and has developed a love for singing and dancing. Seriously, just start singing itsy bitsy-spider, Ripple, Rehab or song of your choosing and she'll sing along, kicking her legs to the beat.

She's had days where she's sleeping all the time and others where I swear more gas has passed out of her than the BP oil spill ( okay i know not quite the same thing but you get what i mean).  She has impeccable timing and always seems to laugh at her dad's corny jokes. When she cries, I mean really cries you know something is hurting her and you'd let your arms fall off before you'd let her go.  The angel often sleeps 7-10 hours a night.

Rachel masi, Andi masi, Risa masi and Seester Masi have all come to visit and Siena got a sampling of the love and support she can only get from the strong, confident women her mom is lucky enough to have in her life.

We've developed superhuman hearing and can tell when she's hiccuped one floor away, a blessing and burden. It has led to what we call phantom baby syndrome where we think we here her crying or cooing while we're in the shower or cooking dinner so we rush to her - often still wet or with a spatula in hand, to find her sound asleep.

I've packed away a bin full of preemie and newborn sized adorable clothing and replaced it with 3month old equally adorable outfits.  She now owns a pair of very stylish Ugg-like boots.

She's got a smile that every time i see makes me want to put a little black dot behind her ear, spit over my shoulder, tie red string around her wrist or try any other remedy for warding off the evil eye because who wouldn't covet this little darling.

While she has nicknames such as duckie, The Bub, goober, lovebug - I am referred to as The Boob Machine, Small Island-Big Island, or around company - The Buffet.  Dad is referred to as ManwithFurryFace.

We love having visitors because it motivates us to clean parts of our house which otherwise would remain untouched.

Right now Bub has got a cold which i suspect she got from me.  She's a total rock-star and has put up with us putting saline drops in her nose and sucking out her boogers with the evil Blue Bulb. Not sure who feels better after - her or us.  It alleviates some of the helplessness we feel every time we here her coughing and sniffling.

6 week update

Seems its getting harder and harder to actually get a few minutes to post an update.  The ladybug likes to change things up, feed every 3 hours one day, then the next decide to take a 4 hour nap and then eat every 1 hour.

My boobs love it.

Let's see, i had my 6 week post partem appt this week - all is well, healing nicely etc.  Except for the bit of suture that decided not to dissolve which was a bit irritating.  But its been removed and I've been given the okay for S.E.X.  haha. right. that's a whole OTHER conversation

We also ended up taking Ducky to the doctor because she bubbles at the mouth all the time, especially during and after feedings and sometimes she makes these squeals that just breaks your heart.  I had to find out if she had reflux and if there was anything we could do about it.

The doc checked her out said it was normal, that unless it gets worse she'd rather stay away from giving her any meds like prevacid or peptid AC.  I agree but also hate the thought of her being so agitated all the time.  She's got her 2 month appt in 2 weeks so we'll approach the subject again then.

On the bright side they weighed her and she is a whopping 8lbs 13 oz!!!  Which means some of her NB sized outfits are going into storage.  I tell you these clothing companies, they start messing with our heads at an early age, no rhyme or reason to their sizing.  No wonder women are so effed in the head about what size they wear!

She also said that we could stop her middle of the night feeding, if she doesn't wake up for it by herself.  Talk about music to my ears, i can get 4-5 hours of sleep in a row! I am game.  Of course my boobs aren't used to this so I still have to wake up and empty out a little each night, waking 1/2 hour later every couple of days to release the engorgment pressure and prevent clogged ducts and wean myself from that feeding.  I'm not complaining though.  It's been a while since i've been in REM.

Love Letter

Dear Siena,

Today you turned 1 month old.  Somehow it doesn't seem possible that I've only known you for that long.  I swear it feels like i've known you all my life.  How is it possible that in such a short amount of time you've changed so much,  smiles turning into laughter, whimpers into wails.  Every day with you feels like the most amazing day and I can't imagine that it can get any better.  Sure, i'm a little sleep deprived and my nipples feel like they might fall off and I may never fit into my skinny jeans again but you and I both know that i'd live like that forever just to have you with me.

My birthday wish for you is that you should always feel and know how much you are loved in this world.  Unconditionally.

love,
mom.

Week 4 visit at the Pediatrician

I don't think i've ever been so excited about going to visit a doctor - having gone 2 weeks since our last visit I was dying to know how much ladybug had grown and to hear from the doctor that we were not in fact complete failures at taking care of our newborn.

So here are the numbers from our appt on Wednesday

                       At Birth                           Current

Weight             5lbs 9.4 oz                         7lbs 5.6 oz
Height             19.5 inches                          20.5 inches


In terms of the infamous growth chart she's just shy of being in the top 10th %ile for weight gain and in the top 25th for Height and Head growth.  Sounds good to me.

All of our other concerns, her throaty sounds and breathing (think cat hacking up hairball), pale hands and feet, tearless right eye, spit bubbles, and flattened left ear were put at ease and we were told these were all normal and would resolve themselves as she grows.

I still can't believe she's gained almost 2 pounds!  For all our ongoing breast issues (yup still got 'em) at least I can take solace in the fact that she is in fact eating and gaining weight.

And born on this day....

Today is the day that Siena would have been considered full term so we're celebrating her Day 0.  We've been told that all developmental milestones and guidelines on what to expect should be based on her due date and not her actual birth date. The past 3 weeks have been

Now that she's here I don't know how we could have waited another 3 weeks for her to show up.   She's already changing so much, her cheeks are getting fuller, her range of sounds are increasing and her expressions - well let me just say if you haven't come to visit you need to do so ASAP - they are hysterical

Not to say any of it has been easy.  I think i mentioned last week that I was having some issues with engorgement.  Well that turned into what felt like clogged ducts - hard umps under the surface.  Thursday I started having flu like symptoms, chills, aches, pains and later that day I developed a fever of 100.2.  As per the breastfeeding book it looked like I also had mastitis in my left breast (large red patches were a tell tale sign) - a breast infection caused by a common staph bacteria that's found on our skin that enters in through a crack or break in skin usually around the nipple.

Friday AM we went into the midwives' office and they confirmed by suspicion.  They put me on a 10 day antibiotic course.  The meds really only helped the infection and flu-like symptoms I still had to deal with the engorgement and plugged ducts. This was dealt with lots of feedings (yes, it was a bit uncomfortable but the best way to empty out was to keep on feeding) and cold cabbage leaves.  Excuse me?  Yes, cold cabbage leaves - something about the sulfates in them that help reduce fluid or something along those lines.  So after every feeding mom, N, or I would take off a leaf of cabbage, flatten and release the enzymes with a rolling pin and place it inside my bra.

By Sunday the engorgement had gone down and I no longer felt any hard bumps.  This was just in time for us to have a very fussy Siena on our hands.  Sunday and Monday were filled with lots of crying, extra feedings which i didn't think i had enough milk for and what seemed to be a growth spurt for Siena.  By late Monday night into Tuesday morning I was a mess - thought maybe i wasn't making enough milk because she kept wanting to feed or that the flow was too slow for her and her little mouth.  I can't begin to describe what it feels like when something so little and so vulnerable is crying so hard she's shaking and you can't figure out how to make her feel better.  It will break your heart.  every time.  So we started thinking about maybe giving her a little formula.  I had samples from 2 of the major formula companies that had come in the mail as well as the kit the hospital gave us.  I really didn't want to introduce formula to her let alone a bottle.  But her wants superseded mine and we were desperate.  N opened up the kit and inside was a ready to serve bottle of 2 oz of newborn formula.  She sucked that thing down in 5 seconds flat and passed out

I decided that in the morning that I would call the lactation consultant, and N would go and rent a breast pump.  I was not going to let my baby starve.

Of course the next morning, babygirl woke up and fed properly.  I spoke to Jo our birthing class instructor as I waited to hear back from the lactation consultant. She helped calm me down, telling me it was highly unlikely that I was not making enough milk.  That it takes a while for us to adjust to what the baby needs and even then they'll up and have a growth spurt or change up their eating habits or just have an off day.  And that as long as she was having a good number of dirty diapers she was in fact eating enough.  I spoke with the consultant and she said the same and that maybe we should wait 24 hours now that she seemed to be better and then decide to come in.

Since then Siena has been eating better and I've been producing more milk.  We've figured out her fussy/colicky time is from 11pm - 1am after which she's out until i wake her for a feeding.  We're still not in sync completely - my C size right breast and B size left one can attest to that - but I'm more confident that we'll be able to figure it out.

Happy Birthday!

Siena turns 2 weeks today!  Part of me feels like time is going by so quickly and the other is like 'Really, just two weeks'?

One thing i'm sure of is that she's growing/changing every day.  We had her doc's appt on Tuesday and we're proud to announce she surpassed her hospital and birth weight is now weighing in at 6lbs and 1 oz :)  This means her cheeks have filled in a bit and soon we'll be switching out of the preemie gear into the newborn.

BFing is moving along - I'm still sore and at times find myself engorged (my boobs feel like i've got implants in made out of cement) but she's eating and I'm producing milk so we're on the right track.  Really the only thing that bothers her is the gas.  The doc says at this age newborns still haven't developed the right fauna of bacteria in their digestive tracks so they are EXTREMELY GASSY.  All those cute image where Siena is making a sour face - GAS.  The ones where she's smiling - PASSED GAS

Change is in the air

Tuesday October 3rd, 2011

Pumpkin lattes are now available at coffee shops, Halloween speciality stores are popping up in empty store fronts and people are pulling out their packed away boxes of cozy wool sweaters and knit scarves.  And in celebration of the change in seasons, this pregnancy blog has made the inevitable yet sooner than anticipated jump into mommyhood.

As independent and determined as her mom and ALL of her Masis, Duckie decided she would pick when to make her debut - no dress rehearsal or soft opening - just a single night performance of the one woman show by Siena Neelesh Patel.

And in an instant I went from pregnant with child to pregnant with emotion.   Do I feel like a mother? Do I feel like I have a daughter? Will I be a good parent? What am I supposed to do?  Can I really feel this much for someone I just met?  I don't know the answers but I do know that I feel a Love like nothing else i've ever experienced before, an over whelming urge to protect and stand between her and any harm that might come her way.

Outside of that I feel a little out of whacks to be honest.  My days consist of eat, sleep and poop mixed in with a dash of stress (see previous post), a little pain and soreness. BUT it all gets a bit duller and easier to bare every time I look at her.  They say the pregnancy blues are VERY common, i think this has more to do with the sudden change in how we might define ourselves now rather than the actual baby.  I think its normal and expected for a new mother to feel a huge array of emotions after having gone through something so life altering.  I for one feel a bit of sadness because i miss having my duckie in my belly.  It's not until after she was born that I really realized the miracle that was growing inside of me.

Siena is 12 days old today.  She's got her 2nd doc's appt tomorrow and hopefully like last week we'll see a slight increase in her weight.  She was born 5lb 9.4oz, went down to 5lb 7oz while in the hospital and went up to 5lb 7.3oz at the visit.  All very normal as most newborns lose 10% of their birth weight in the first few days.

I'll post Siena's birth story at another time but since we had a natural birth I am now in the process of recovering from a few stitches ( i tore slightly).  There's also what's known as lochia - which is the bleeding that follows for the next 4 - 6 weeks.  Think of it as a REALLY REALLY long menstrual cycle.  We attempted breastfeeding as soon as she was plopped onto my belly and are still at it.  I wouldn't say we've got it down, my sore nipples can attest to that. But we haven't given up yet.  And the fact that she's got a gazillion dirty diapers is proof that she's eating.   She's so little that her mouth just can't seem to get in enough boob. I'm hoping it will get easier as she gets bigger.  I just have to push through until then.  Right now she eats every 2 hours or so during the day and will sometimes go 3-4 at night.  Luckily the inability to fall asleep between feedings at night has passed so i'm getting enough Z's to keep me functioning.

Her dad as many of you have already witnessed has found his muse when it comes to his passion - photography.  I don't know if this is a blessing or not.  Between doting over Nikki (his camera) and Siena I'm not sure he can see anything else :)  But he captures her beautifully and I can't fault him for that.  He is just as in love and smitten by her as I am.  I think he's jealous of our breastfeeding sessions.  I don't blame him, I would be too.  For his part he has been diaper changing and rocking her back to sleep as much, if not more, as I have.  Our favorite pastime is skin-to-skin.  Having Siena lay on our chests while she's passed out, just staring at her, taking in her intoxicating baby smell.  We've also taken to having a little nap time with her in our bed before we get up each morning.  Sandwiched between mom and dad, oblivious to how ridiculously happy we are just to be close to her, she sleeps peacefully.

My mom has been here since she was born and will stay for a few weeks.  It's been great but N and I are getting spoiled.  Cooking, cleaning, you name it she does it while we get the chance to just focus on Siena.  By the time she leaves he'll be back to work and I'll have to go back to all the cooking and cleaning.  Oh well, I'm enjoying the company and the help and Siena loves the attention from her Missy Ba.

My dad came down this past weekend for a visit.  He had to shut down the shop but it was totally worth it.  He was so excited and nervous!   He hadn't seen or held me until i was 4 months old since i was born in India and he was in the States and the first new born he'd ever held was my niece Shivani 18 years ago.  He was great with her and watching him be amazed by her was definitely one of the highpoints of these past 12 days.  He left this morning, tears in all our eyes.  It will probably be at least another 2 months before he gets to hold his grand daughter again.  But with a new webcam already on its way to him we hope it will be more bearable with weekly skype dates.

Heavy with Emotion or This Post is Brought to you by the #3

3 is…

 the number of hours I think I actually slept last night

the number of emotionally charged conversations I had yesterday

the number of days left until N comes home

the number of times I cried in the past 24 hours

the number of times I put this post up and then deleted it

0… the number of times I’ve ever openly shared something like this

Yesterday started out just like any other day, me running around from one place to another, preparing for the baby by buying, returning, researching, etc.  I had dropped off N and company at the airport for their trip to Montreal.  I had it all figured out – alone time would give me a chance to catch up on my long list of to-do’s, tap into my nesting skills, and even get in some time girl time with some friends.  I’ve always taken pride in my ability to be comfortable with being alone.  What I didn’t count for was that alone time would also be accompanied by hormone time.

Until recently the pregnancy had been just that – all about The Pregnancy.  But now as we get closer to D-Day I find myself reading and researching more about the actual labor, what happens after delivery, newborn care, infant care, parenting – not a bad thing in and of itself, but also causing me to dwell on and create in my head scenarios revolving around familial expectations, cultural pressures, and relationship strains.

This has always been a fault of mine, over-analyzing – working myself into an anxiety-driven frenzy over something which has not happened and may not ever happen.  Living by the old adage, HOPE FOR THE BEST, EXPECT THE WORST, but focusing only on the second half.  Formulating very detailed scenes (think Hi-def, with surround sound) and playing them out in my head.  Generally, not based on facts or experiences but solely on my fears and insecurities.  Which fears? Which insecurities? Take your pick – fear of losing control, fear of losing myself and my identity, not being respected, insecurities about being worthy, being liked, of asking for help, appearing weak… you get the point.

I liked to take comfort in the fact that at least I knew that I did this – First step in recovery is recognizing you have a problem, right?  But I’ve been doing this since I was a young teen.  Internalize everything, get all worked up, have a bit of break down in private and then come out of it half-laughing at myself, realizing I’m just overreacting.  No one generally knew what was going on in my head and it was my way of dealing with stress. Most of the time I walked away feeling like I had worked things out for myself and no one was the wiser.  Who was I kidding?!  The scenarios might have been fictional but the residual emotions created because of them were not.  They came with me where ever I went next in my conversations and discussions with others -  wearing them like boxing gloves, protecting my face, keeping me on the defensive.

 Last night as I got caught up in thinking about yet another “what if” possibility, working myself up to more tears and a quickened heartbeat, I realized that I was perpetuating exactly what I was most worried about.  For all my talk of creating a stress-free, loving and happy environment for Duckie – here I was allowing my fears and insecurities to upset me, stress me out and in turn push those to this little bundle of love in my belly.  Duckie has a front row seat to my physical and emotional reactions to stress and the vibe I create.  No one is more directly influenced by what I do and think.  I AM NOT saying that I can’t allow myself to wonder and address my fears and insecurities but that instead of spending all my energy focusing on what I can’t ever know or control (the future, other people’s actions and thoughts) it would be better spent focused on my own actions, well-being and state of mind.

What I want more than anything is to create an environment for Duckie that is full of love and support.  To try and build a relationship with Duckie that is honest, open and healthy.  I have to remind myself that I can’t predict or control how others will behave, what they will say or the impact it will have on this environment.  What I can do is make an effort to take a good look at myself and how I respond and react to others, the affect my reactions will have on Duckie’s environment and the example I will be setting.

I don’t know if I’ll fail or succeed but I do know that I'll try my hardest and HOPE FOR THE BEST.

35 weeks in 35 days left!

So this past Friday we hit the 35 week milestone in Duckie's 9.5 month gestation.  And based on this lovely gift from my friend Jess, a reminder that we only have 35 days before our guess date!

At our midwives' appt we learned that our fundal height (from top of uterus down to top of pubic bone) is right on schedule, the measurement matching the # of weeks - 34.5 cm.  Her heartbeat was in the 140s, smack in the middle of the normal range of 120-170 and from what the midwife could feel was head down, for the moment.  This all adds up to having been given the go ahead (so far) to fly at week 37 to NJ for Jess's wedding!!!

How am I feeling?  Not bad - the Braxton Hicks practice contractions have been full on since week 32 and that hasn't stopped.  I can feel Duckie growing, taking up more room, getting more pushing and pressing along my stomach rather than the swirls of somersaults.  As I type this I can feel him stretching out one one side while straightening his legs on the other.  A few nights ago I got a nice little jab in the kidney - Thanks baby!  You sure can be a pain in ass.  No literally, seems Duckie has my uterus pushing on my sciatic nerve and for the past 2 weeks I have been getting these shooting pains and throbbing in my left butt cheek that sometimes shoots down my left thigh.  They happen when I'm sitting, standing, walking, sleeping... you get the point.

So I've got myself an exercise ball - which i should have done months ago - great for relaxation poses, exercises and its newest roll - a chair.  No more sitting on the couch or dining chair for this mama-to-be.  I've also gone to the chiropractor.  My first visit ever!  Using the Webster Technique, specifically designed for pregnant women, the doc made some adjustments.  Not sure which is helping or if its a combination of both - but the pains have lessened, which is all that matters.

What's it all feeling like right now?  Forgive me if this sounds cheesy but it's as if N and I are pirates on a ship having been out to sea for 8 months in search of some hidden treasure on an unplottable island.  With just a worn out, barely legible map and little compass as our guide we've passed through turbulent tides, scorching sun, serene moonlit waters, coming across new sights, smells and tastes along the way - but always with this feeling that we've only scratched the surface, knowing we are getting closer, getting more anxious to spy through our telescope and finally yell "Land Ahoy"!

The C word

Most of you know that it's our hope that we have a vaginal birth.  Unless things go wrong and our midwives and nurses both feel that they have to call in the OB in which case we are open to having to do the surgery.

However, the problem seems to be that every time there's a Cesarean done, the mother has been told that it was in fact necessary.  And who's to argue?  I would assume that the doctor is making the decision based on all of their medical knowledge and experience, not worries of malpractice suits or when their shift ends.  This is where the controversy starts.  I'm not going to go into an open debate here because to be honest I'm not an expert.  But there is a lot of research and material out there that can help us educate ourselves into making the decision that's best for us.

Here's a quick video that we were asked to watch as homework for my birthing class and an article we read.  I thought that some of you might find the statistics interesting.

Birth by Numbers  - a little dry at times as it is talking numbers and stats but easy enough to follow along (~22 minutes)  The startling contrasts in where we are in % of neonatal death rates and maternal death rates compared to other countries is pretty sad.

Cesarean Birth in a Culture of Fear  - An article by Wendy Ponte

One of the things I noticed that both pointed out was that in fact there aren't that many women who request, in advance for c-sections for purely vanity's sake - a reason so often used to explain away the high rate of C-sections in the U.S.

Part 2 of BG's guide to pregnancy symptoms

Follow this link to read Section 2 of my Head Shoulders Knees and Toes post.

59 Days & Counting

A little over 31 weeks and I have not been more aware of having something/someone inside me as I have been over the past week. It seems with all 5 senses developed and most organs complete, all the baby wants to do now is dance. Turns out right about now babies also go through a pretty crazy growth spurt. I can feel him/her move constantly. I’m talking fist pumps, knee lifts, kicks at my ribs – this duckling is constantly on the move. The strangest part is just watching my belly move of its own accord. It’s creepy, in a total surreal but good way :)

Along with the uncomfortableness, tightness (aka Braxton hicks contractions) and pressure comes shortness of breath and a bit more fatigue then I’m accustomed to. All that pressure against the lungs as well as the increase in weight requires you to breathe a bit harder and take more breaks. My short torso doesn’t help either.

At this point you generally gain an average of 1 lb a week – since the baby is growing at its most in the 3rd trimester it makes sense that this is when you put on more weight. This is a bit harder than it sounds because the uterus is growing in a predefined space. Which means all of your other organs are getting squished, especially your stomach. The recommendation, and I can vouch for this, is to eat smaller meals more frequently. This helps you take in the calories you need, and reduces the chances of indigestion and heartburn.

Speaking of putting on the pounds, I’ve had a lot of people ask me about how much weight I’ve gained. Seems even in pregnancy we can’t cut ourselves a break and obsess about our size. From my research and reading, your optimal weight gain amount is based off of your Body Mass Index. If your BMI is normal then they say 25-35 is good. If it’s below normal, than you should gain a bit more and if it higher, you should gain a little less. Having said that it seems the average for many women is more like 30-40 so don’t sweat sticking to an exact number.  You can calculate your BMI and see the chart here.


In my opinion, yes you should keep track of your weight but more than the number it’s about what you’re putting into your body that you should focus on. You need an average of 300 calories more a day during your pregnancy for your baby. That’s it. You’re not really eating for 2, more like 1.125. Combine that with the recommended daily intake of protiens, calcium, whole grains, vitamins, minerals, folic acid etc you and the baby require means you need to be a little picky about what you choose to do with those 300 lovely delicious calories.  Lately for me, I’ve been giving into cravings for something sweet which is probably not the healthiest, but seeing as how for most of 2nd trimester I was craving raw veggies & fruit I’m giving myself a “get out of jail” pass. Plus I had my glucose test a few weeks back and seems my blood sugar levels are perfectly normal - HOORAY no gestational diabetes!

Head Shoulders Knees and Toes… and everything in between

I’m sure I’ve briefly hinted to the changes our bodies go through or can go through during this 9 month gestation in my previous posts but I don’t think I’ve really given you all the facts.  FACTS, a nickname my husband’s cousin has given me because supposedly I’m full of them.

So here it is – MY list of all you can/will go through. By no means exhaustive, but it does include ALL that I’ve gone through and/or others I personally know have gone through too.  Some are trimester specific, while others are lovely enough to stick around the whole time.  I’ve tried to include definitions for medical terms as well as any remedies that have worked for me.

Be warned, male readers, those squeamish or just believe ignorance is bliss – I get into some gory details and you may just be better off waiting for my next post.

I couldn’t figure out an easy way to categorize these so I decided to just start with the top and work my way down. **Also lets remember that browngirl has no medical training whatsoever, so please talk to your doctor before trying anything I might have mentioned**

Part 1 - Symptoms of the Head
Part 2 - Inner Ailments

Back to School

The Final Stretch.  Third trimester has started and Neelesh and I have headed back to school to take a 12 week childbirthing class.  Unlike 20 years ago, the options have tripled and now there's not only Lamaze, but HypnoBabies, Bradley Method, it's rebellious daughter Brio and many more!

As per the norm, I wanted to do a bit of research.  To narrow down the search and make the task a bit less daunting I started with seeing what/who was in our area and looked at the classes recommended by hospitals and businesses (maternity stores, cloth diapering services, midwives etc) in our area.  Then I focused on answering 4 main questions

• What does the class cover that's important to me? - partner involvement, newborn care (what the heck do i do now that i've got the baby!), pain management, labor, prenatal/postnatal care, developing a birth plan, and breast feeding

• What is the instructor's views on natural birth, intervention, etc?  - We're using a midwife and hope to go natural but that doesn't mean we're looking for someone who is refuses to acknowledge the need sometimes for intervention and drug usage.  We wanted someone who wasn't caught up in the how but that the end result of helping us to have the type of birth WE wanted regardless of their views.

• How long and how big is the class? - There's a lot to learn.  Even though with our event schedule this summer a one weekend 2 day intensive class might have been tempting, i wanted there to be enough time for us to digest the information we'd learned and make sure we actually remember it when the time comes to use it!  As for size, i'm selfish.  I  have a lot of questions and the smaller the size the more likely the class is geared towards what I want to learn.

• How much? - Cost is always something to consider, we didn't mind paying but wanted to make sure we got our money's worth.

In the end we decided on going with Jo Garrett, a birth doula and child educator in Chapel Hill.  She offers a 12 week course that meets for 2 hours once a week.  Class size varies but is never more than 4 couples at a time.  Lucky for us, we were the only couple to register this session and are getting essentially a private class!  Although the method she learned was Brio, her technique is to use what she believes is the best of all the different methods out there.

So far the classes have been great.  I must admit i thought the first few sessions would be covering things that i'd already learned from all of my books regarding nutrition and exercise.  But Jo proved me wrong and showed us (me) that there was so much more to learn, such as relaxation exercises to help release that awful lower back pain to understanding how your baby sits in your uterus and how you can get it into the optimal fetal position which can really affect how your labor goes.

With the finish line approaching N and I are definitely beginning to feel the weight of our responsibility and how fundamentally our lives are going to change.  These classes bring us one step closer to getting a handle on our fears and come to the realization that we can do this.

Retailer's Responsibility

So the U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission (CPSC) has updated its standards for cribs and as of June 28th, 2011 is holding retailers accountable for making sure they only sell cribs that meet these standards.

Generally, I am an advocate of holding parents responsible, ie disciplining, monitoring etc (can't put the all the blame on tv, video games, teachers etc) but in this case, especially as a newbie soon to be parent who sometimes feels like she can barely keep her head above water - thinks it's awesome that when someone goes into a reputable retail store to purchase a crib, it will be a little less overwhelming.

Here's a link to the new standards and more info
CPSC New Federal Requirements

The Babymoon

I'm sorry.  It's been weeks since my last post. But I have a good excuse, N and I were away on a much deserved babymoon.  Not sure where the word was coined first but as the name suggests it is that little honeymoon you take before the baby comes!

In serious need of a vacation, plus the excuse of celebrating my cousin's 30th and N's 36th a group of 8 of us rented a lovely little beach house at Folly Beach, Charleson, SC.  An amazing 5 days of sun, ocean, fine sand beaches and amazing Charleston food.  If you haven't been, I highly recommend it.

Actually I recommend any ocean/beach trip for a babymoon - nothing like having the weight lifted off your shoulders, or more accurately your belly while floating around in the ocean.  Pregnant bodies love the water. Trust me.



    

A quickie

Just a quick update after our midwife appt today.

At around 20 weeks or so they start measuring your stomach to see if you are growing appropriately.  Just like that crazy fluke where your foot is the size of your forearm from your wrist to your elbow, the distance from the pelvis to the top of your belly button in centimeters should correlate with how many weeks along you are.

We measured at 21 centimeters and will be 22 weeks tomorrow :)  Ducky has started to flap her wings  big time and was hopping around while the midwife tried to listen to her heartbeat.  He finally settled down enough to let us know that his heart was pounding away at around 150 bpm.

Outside of that there have been some more physical changes, a few more aches and pains but I'll keep that till my next post where I fill you in on ALL the wonderful things that can happen during pregnancy.

Calling all babies' Mamas

Cloth vs Disposable, 4 wheels vs 3 wheels, boppy vs breast friend, so many choices so much junk!  Researching all the baby gizmos out there has been interesting to say the least and after reading hundreds of reviews, articles and posts I've come to the conclusion that its all BULLOCKS!



In the end you could pick the most phenominal, quadruple tested, mother-approved __________ (fill in baby item) and the first time your baby uses it, she will spit it out, kick at it, cry till her face turns purple and basically let you know "The experts don't know squat, this is the worst _________, EVER". ** Full disclosure after pouring over pics this is the only one i could find of my nephew, Keval, crying - he's a happy baby.


I don't say this to discourage myself or any moms or dads-to-be out there but instead offer you salvation.  Take refuge in the fact that if you start getting tired of researching and pick the cheaper nursing pillow that has the cooler looking cover rather than the one that's filled with organic braided mohair from only grass grazing black rabbits, you've still got a 50-50% chance that YOUR baby will like it.

I've also come to realize and appreciate the value of hand-me-downs.  Cribs, car seats, slings, carriers, high chairs, rockers, sleepers, bouncers, play gyms, pack-n-plays, strollers, are just some of the items that you really don't have to buy brand new.  If you're lucky enough to have a few friends, sisters, cousin-in-laws who've kept some of these things, go and atleast check it out.  If only to use as a tester to see if your baby likes it, if he does, great! buy it brand new, if not then all you have to do is give it back or pass it along.

Saving some money there will allow you to spend some money on the types of things that I've often read you really should by brand new - like breast pumps (or atleast if you're borrowing a pump, buy brand new tubings and such), crib mattresses, pacifiers, rectal thermometers, etc. Not to mention those splurges (how can one more onesie that says i ♥ mommy hurt?) you can't resist.

So I'm calling on all those babies' mamas out there who were so kind enough to hold on to some infant-related items out there.  If you're willing to pass along or share for a while - I'm your girl. 

If you want to check out some of the stuff i have researched and decided upon acquiring (be warned its a constantly evolving list) check them out at ducky's gift registry

MY CRITERIA for selecting most items is as follows:

RECENT REVIEWS - (some items are worse than Apple with a new generation out every 6 months, so make sure the review you're reading is for the version you're looking to buy)

INGREDIENTS/MATERIAL- I'm not super Green but atleast a shade of Mint.  organic, 100%, breathable, BPA-Free, all natural, no chemicals, etc. are all phrases i LIKE to see

SAFTEY/RELIABILITY - U.S. Product Safety Commission Recall, tipped over, fell apart, shredded in washing machine, poisoned my cat, are all phrases i DO NOT LIKE to see

PRICE - (DUH.)

STYLE - Hey, your baby's ride and swag is a reflection of your style so if you wouldn't be caught dead in that bulky pink and white stroller then why make your baby.  This is, of course, totally a matter of personal choice, my personal taste leans towards a skandinavian vibe, wanna be marimekko fabrics, not a lot of bulk or frills, a former urbanite living in suburbia not ready to let go ;)


Another good piece of advice i've read is to buy one of a couple of brands you think are good - for instance baby bottles, because you don't know which your baby will take too.  In some cases the item will be something you can return and in other cases worse case you only bought 1 of the brand the baby doesn't like and can then purchase more of the one he does.

Thanks for listening
xoxo
BG

a shopping trip i'm not looking forward to

So for the past 2 weeks i've been having this pain/soreness in my upper abs.  At first I thought it was what's known as diastasis recti, which turns out has nothing to do with the part of the body it sounds like but is the splitting of your right and left abdominal muscles known as rectus.

It's more frequent in women who have had multiple pregnancies as the ab muscles have stretched.  There's no treatment and usually it doesn't cause any problems.

Anyway turns out that is not what's happening to me.  I have another issue altogether.  I have offically grown out of my bras and sports bras.  Turns out the damn things are too tight around.  Those fears of having to give up my underwire and start wearing those not so attractive wireless 'bras' are slowly becoming a reality. This will have to be followed by the inevitable trip to the maternity store to get fitted for nursing bras

Boo(b)Hoo :(

The Halfway Mark

So this Friday little ducky* will be 20 weeks old and mark our halfway point!  Around 18-20 weeks is when you have your main ultrasound.  This is the one where you can find out the sex, take anatomical measurements of limbs, spine, brain, etc.  We had ours last week and are happy to report that this little one is right on schedule with what looked like the right # of toes and fingers, eyes, lips, hands and such.  S(he) was head down feet up facing out with dukes up like s(he) was using my placenta as a punching bag - very active and obviously taking after the Ali family (just not sure whether Muhammad or Laila).



Pic 1:  aerial view of the face - two eyes, bridge of nose, chin, forehead and right elbow visible
Pic 2:  Defensive position ready to make a jab or uppercut -forearms and fists visible
Pic 3:  No pictures please! Crossing hands over her face
Pic 4: Side profile from top half of chest up - little black mass in body is his heart beating around 148 hbm :) white mass above baby is the placenta, aka punching bag




Not feeling any real movement yet but slight swirly feeling which could just be gas.  But I am starting to show, more baby bump and less muffin top - FINALLY! Of course this means my clothes are feeling a lot more snug and the NO PANTS rule has been put into affect.



Not much else going on since we got back in town, been spending a lot of time doing research so i'll put up a separate post on some of my findings and thoughts on the whole process.  We did get a chance to catch up with some friends this past week.  First Neelesh's best friends Ameet & Leena were in town visiting from California with their yummy little 14 month old, Amani.  A big toothy ear to ear grin with gorgeous jet black hair and the best little pudgy thighs, yummy really is the only way to describe her.


Then this weekend we got to meet for the first time a beautiful little man named Jayden Dhilan Yennior, son of our friends Mona & Todd, this weekend!  He was born on Wed May 18 and is absolutely divine.  Holding him at day 3 and seeing his little tiny perfect body was amazing but frankly a little overwhelming... the reality of having our own little one in 20 or so weeks really sinking in.




* Both my husband and I have small ears and small eyes and big lips (well atleast mine are) so he's been telling folks we're giving birth to a duck.  Hence the new nickname Li'l Ducky.

Packing on the Pounds

Well more like the ounces.  At 17 weeks and 5 days doughboy weighs in at about 4 - 5oz, is the size of a baked potato (nom nom nom) and is beginning to store fat and hopefully plump up.  Because honestly what fun is a skinny mini - michelan man all the way!

Also those finger nails and toe nails are coming in which makes me fast forward to visits to certain aunties in NYC who will be introducing colors such as ballet slippers, poor li'l rich girl, or wicked, and when its okay to wear them.  If it's a boy, heck he can wear licorice.

After my doc's appt yesterday, i went to a nearby shopping center to check a few things out.  They happened to have a store called BuyBuyBaby, a place i'd heard of but never been into.  It is set up exactly as Bed Bath and Beyond, with the one exception that EVERYTHING is about babies. I started meandering up and down the aisles, mouth slightly agape by all the gadgets and gizmos.  A whole section devoted to baby-proofing your home.  In the next section a whole wall of pacifiers. YES pacifiers.  I continued to roam through their open displays of cribs and changing tables, bassinets, high chairs and car seats.  By the time i arrived to strollers my head was spinning and my bladder was ready to burst. 
As I calmly but quickly made my way to the restrooms, I came to two conclusions:
1. I didn't like anything in there AND
2. I would need a game plan if I was going to survive this.

So I went next door to the Five Below shop, picked up a bag of salt & vinegar potato chips (brain food, duh) and made my way home where I have proceeded to start my RESEARCH.

wish me luck.

HAPPY MAMA JAMA DAY

With my new found appreciation for moms and moms-to-be, I wish you a year where every day is your day - where you are appreciated for what you do day in and day out.

AND that goes to all those wonderful women in our lives that may not be mothers by definition (technicality) but are just as important if not more so to helping us become the people we are today.

loves you.
xoxo
 BG

Bloody? More like Medium-Well

If you know me, you know that I enjoy my beverages, especially of the alcholic variety.  A chewy red, a nose-tickling prosecco, a dirty martini with hendrick's gin, or a cold glass of a sweet dunkel-weiss - whatever it is, i've most likely tasted it or am willing to form an opinion on it.

So of course one of my first questions when I confirmed that I was preggers was 'What am I going to do for 9 months!?'  Aside from maybe a sip of bubbly or cold beer here or there (spirits are a no-no and just thinking about wine gives me heart burn) I needed something to satiate my thirst.

So I've started tinkering in my bar and fridge with all things non-alcoholic and have come up with a few recipes.  Today I wanted to share with you my not-so-bloody Bloody Mary or the Bloody Mama.

Ingredients:
8-10 oz Low Sodium Spicy V8
Olives stuffed with garlic or jalepeno or cheese
Pepperoncini peppers
Dill pickle spear and/or pickled okra and/or pickle green beans
1-2 oz Club Soda or lemon sparkling water
stalk of celery

To taste:
3 Dashes worcestershire sauce
1 teaspoon horseradish or horseradish mustard
2 dashes hot sauce (i've been using frank's red hot)
a sprinkle cajun seasoning
juice of 1/4 to 1/2 lemon
Splash of juice from the pepperoncini peppers

Start off with a very large glass - a beer stein works perfectly.
Add the worcestershire sauce, horseradish, hot sauce, cajun seasoning, lemon juice and pepperoncini juice to glass. Blend.  Pour in V-8.  Stir and taste - check for salt, heat and proper sourness. Adjust to Taste.  Add the meal portion of this drink aka olives, celery, pickles.  Then top with soda water and give a quick final stir.

Perfect anytime of day but especially on weekends, late morning into afternoon when I'm dreaming of my favorite brunch spots. 

Enjoy.

Butterflies in my Stomach

From my last post my mom has since left and The Nieces have come and gone like a little happy tornado and N and I are left with a feeling of empty nest.  We had a quick glimpse into what life might be like with 3 daughters, the laughter, the baking, the makeup, clothes and never ending pile of shoes!  Gotta say I liked it. and so did N :)

While they were here I felt my first flutter!  Its said that starting at week 15 the baby moves around more and although you can't feel kicks and such until week 20 or so (earlier for those who've been pregnant before) you might feel these flutters, sort of like a butterfly.  It was unmistakable.  I was driving and all of a sudden i felt this very fast vibration, like a caterpillar tapdancing on the left side of my belly.  My first thought was that my phone was on vibrate and on my lap. I looked down and saw that it wasn't and realized I actually felt the little cashew! It's the first time outside of getting to hear the baby's heartbeats or see the ultrasound that I can actually physically tell that the little monkey is in there!

We've sort of taken a break from thinking about all baby stuff outside of having agreed on joining some friends on a vacation in June.  What we like to call our Babymoon in honor of N's birthday and my sanity, a little vacation as it may be our last in quite some time. 

There's still names to think about, cribs and strollers to research, living wills to write up, decisions to be made about circumcision if its a boy, whether or not to save core blood, cloth or disposable diapers, Lamaze breathing or the Bradley Method or Belly Dancing, sleep training or attachment parenting (think i already know my answer on this one), when to start solids, when to wheen off binkies, preschool waiting lists, extra-ciricular activities, driver's ed, having The Talk, the prom, college applications, will we convert their room to an excercise room or billiards room..... 

like i said we're taking a break.  Happy 16th PreBirthweek, Cashew! 

Au Naturel

So a while back soon after we had found out we were pregnant we sat down to watch a documentary I had wanted to see for a while created by Ricki Lake called The Business of Being Born.  For any of you who have Netflix, it's available on instant.  The movie is basically Ricki's interest in learning more about midwifery and her eventual decision to have her 2nd child via midwife at home (in her tub!).  She tells the story of other pregnant women and their midwives.   Definitely not for the squeamish it shows babies being born at home and in birthing centers, talks to professional midwives and doctors about the practices and history of childbirth in the U.S., and mentions some pretty crazy statistics on how many natural child births vs c-sections are done in this country compared to other countries every year.

It's all a matter of personal preference.  I want to try and go the natural childbirth route, but more importantly  I want to be in a setting that promotes and encourages natural childbirth, that focuses on providing a setting that is most condusive to natural child birth.  This means letting things take its course, allowing you to move around and have the baby in whatever position you want (versus on your back, which is really only optimal for the OB).  In the end Obstetrician's are doctors that specialize in surgery while Certified Midwife Nurses are trained in natural births and that to me is a no brainer.

We thought a little about having an at home birth.  But what if this nugget decides he wants to show the world his booty first and require me to have a c-section, we would have to then get to a hospital and of course prior to all that have found an OB who would be willing to be on call in case something went wrong and work with my midwife.  I'd still have to go elsewhere if i wanted ultrasounds and blood work done.  Plus in the state of NC insurance will only pay for midwives that are certified and affiliated with a NC hospital.  And having the baby at home seemed a little too granola for our taste.  At home was out.

The stand alone birthing center was another option.  Luckily there is one in Chapel Hill.  We went and took a tour, the rooms i have to say were nice, sort of a hotel room with jacuzzi!  But there were still some issues - ultrasounds had to be done elsewhere, if something went wrong they would still have to call an ambulance and have me taken to UNC hospital which is 25 minutes away. A little to risky for the husband.

So that left us with one more option, UNC Midwives - they seemed to us the best of both worlds.  At their clinic just like at any OB/GYN we come in for our monthly, then bi-weekly and then weekly visits with their mid-wives.  Rotating all six with every visit so we can get familiar with them and vice versa.  They have a separate floor at the UNC Hospital where i get a room that has a shower - no jacuzzi :(, an ipod sound system, tv, and what seems like a much more laid back atmosphere.  Unlike the OB floor, i can walk around because they use a wireless fetal monitoring system and they actually encourage you to eat and drink and bring in your own food (i'm leaning towards raw oysters and prosecco).  And most importantly, if something should go wrong all they gotta do is wheel me upstairs and there are trained OBs to step in.

In the end I really have no say as to how she'll be born.  But I like the idea that right up until that moment I'll be surrounded by people who want the same as me, to go au naturel.

Happy 14th NotBornYet Week!

The lima bean turns 14 weeks today.  We had our first appointment with the UNC Midwives on Tuesday and they confirmed that yes, in fact i am not delusional and there is this little mini-neelops growing inside me.  No ultrasound this appointment but we'll have the comprehensive 18 week ultrasound in a few weeks.  They did check the jellybean's heart-rate with a doppler and it was beating at 157 bpms.  Supposedly heart-beats for fetuses can range from 120-170.

Here's a picture of the peanut at 8 1/2 weeks with a whopping 175 beats per minute, moving around like a little spastic Mexican jumping bean!  At that point her appendages hadn't fully developed but you can see the arm nubs.

The Mothership has landed

A strange clanging sound, whirling red and blue lights, a cloud of smoke.  A UFO?  Nope.  The #79 Carolinian Amtrak train approaching with my mother.  Now I can just hear some of you laughing a bit, knowing how my mom and I can get when you get us in a room together and how I might react to a visit.  But I'm telling you these pregnancy hormones change everything!  From the moment she showed up I've just felt better.

Don't get me wrong we still bicker, I still snap at her over little things when I know I shouldn't and of course still disagree just for the sake of disagreeing but that's just the way it will always be.  She's been hear less than 24 hours and you can now see my kitchen floors and counter tops.  We've lined the cabinets, packed away the pantry and unpacked 90% of the kitchen boxes.  If I were doing this by myself it would take a week.

But its more than just the help.  Maybe its those little fears and insecurities floating around in my head about being a mother, will I be any good? what if I have a daughter like me? am I ready for my world, my lifestyle to turn upside on its head?  With mom here, I can still be her little girl, the argumentative, whining teenager who knows that no matter what Mom will always be there to take care of me...and cook me yummy food.

I probably don't say it enough, but thanks Mom. loves you.

Kicking the Habit

I've got an addiction.  Admitting you have a problem is one of the 12 steps to recovery, right?  Well i've got a pack a day addiction... to saltines.  In the blink of an eye I can polish off one sleeve like it were a glass of cava.  With 24/7 nausea they are the only thing that seems to pacify the waves of sickness caused by the massive overdose of hormones my body is keen on producing.  In the beginning it was just a few crackers here or there.  Then I started carrying them around in my little lime green indian bookshop bag, as a crutch in case the nausea kicked in and i needed a fix.  Now I wake up to a pack next to my bed.  Hell, i can't even sit up in bed until I've devoured at least half a sleeve.  My pre-breakfast snack.   And people it doesn't just stop at saltines, my husband is like a little school boy - he's never seen so many crackers and snacks in our pantry before! Triscuits, water crackers, sourdough pretzel nuggets, if you're a carb-packed snack, you're probably in my pantry.

So today, at week 12 day 7, the last day of my first trimester i have pledged to eliminate Saltines from my life and cut back on my daily crack(er) intake.  What's brought on such conviction, you might ask.  Word around the snack isle is that there is this glorious time during pregnancy where the nausea is infrequent, energy has returned to your weakened, less toned limbs and you remember how much you loved protein, they call this euphoria - Second Trimester.  So with the power of positive thinking on my side and visions of eating chicken parm and blackened cod, I'm going to think myself into being nauseated no longer!  If this girl can give up wine, beer & prosecco for 9 months (sort of) what's a couple of puny little starchy cardboard squares.

The next dilemna, without that saltine fix what will i be able to handle, if anything, for breakfast?  Options in the past have been oatmeal with walnuts & raisins (when i'm feeling exceptionally well), the usual whole wheat toast and peanut butter, a bowl of cereal preferably lucky charms with a splash of milk, or one hard boiled egg between two slices of whole wheat toast doused in hot sauce for the days when the guilt of not consuming enough protein takes over.  I'm going to think big and in this post-cracker era imagine my mornings to now include quiche lorraine,  spinach and feta (pasteurized of course) omelets, pumpkin pancakes and bacon or eggs benedict! Ugh...maybe i should hold off on such thoughts, day 1 of the Second Trimester isn't until tomorrow.

SQUAK! Lopa want a cracker!