Butterflies in my Stomach

From my last post my mom has since left and The Nieces have come and gone like a little happy tornado and N and I are left with a feeling of empty nest.  We had a quick glimpse into what life might be like with 3 daughters, the laughter, the baking, the makeup, clothes and never ending pile of shoes!  Gotta say I liked it. and so did N :)

While they were here I felt my first flutter!  Its said that starting at week 15 the baby moves around more and although you can't feel kicks and such until week 20 or so (earlier for those who've been pregnant before) you might feel these flutters, sort of like a butterfly.  It was unmistakable.  I was driving and all of a sudden i felt this very fast vibration, like a caterpillar tapdancing on the left side of my belly.  My first thought was that my phone was on vibrate and on my lap. I looked down and saw that it wasn't and realized I actually felt the little cashew! It's the first time outside of getting to hear the baby's heartbeats or see the ultrasound that I can actually physically tell that the little monkey is in there!

We've sort of taken a break from thinking about all baby stuff outside of having agreed on joining some friends on a vacation in June.  What we like to call our Babymoon in honor of N's birthday and my sanity, a little vacation as it may be our last in quite some time. 

There's still names to think about, cribs and strollers to research, living wills to write up, decisions to be made about circumcision if its a boy, whether or not to save core blood, cloth or disposable diapers, Lamaze breathing or the Bradley Method or Belly Dancing, sleep training or attachment parenting (think i already know my answer on this one), when to start solids, when to wheen off binkies, preschool waiting lists, extra-ciricular activities, driver's ed, having The Talk, the prom, college applications, will we convert their room to an excercise room or billiards room..... 

like i said we're taking a break.  Happy 16th PreBirthweek, Cashew! 

Au Naturel

So a while back soon after we had found out we were pregnant we sat down to watch a documentary I had wanted to see for a while created by Ricki Lake called The Business of Being Born.  For any of you who have Netflix, it's available on instant.  The movie is basically Ricki's interest in learning more about midwifery and her eventual decision to have her 2nd child via midwife at home (in her tub!).  She tells the story of other pregnant women and their midwives.   Definitely not for the squeamish it shows babies being born at home and in birthing centers, talks to professional midwives and doctors about the practices and history of childbirth in the U.S., and mentions some pretty crazy statistics on how many natural child births vs c-sections are done in this country compared to other countries every year.

It's all a matter of personal preference.  I want to try and go the natural childbirth route, but more importantly  I want to be in a setting that promotes and encourages natural childbirth, that focuses on providing a setting that is most condusive to natural child birth.  This means letting things take its course, allowing you to move around and have the baby in whatever position you want (versus on your back, which is really only optimal for the OB).  In the end Obstetrician's are doctors that specialize in surgery while Certified Midwife Nurses are trained in natural births and that to me is a no brainer.

We thought a little about having an at home birth.  But what if this nugget decides he wants to show the world his booty first and require me to have a c-section, we would have to then get to a hospital and of course prior to all that have found an OB who would be willing to be on call in case something went wrong and work with my midwife.  I'd still have to go elsewhere if i wanted ultrasounds and blood work done.  Plus in the state of NC insurance will only pay for midwives that are certified and affiliated with a NC hospital.  And having the baby at home seemed a little too granola for our taste.  At home was out.

The stand alone birthing center was another option.  Luckily there is one in Chapel Hill.  We went and took a tour, the rooms i have to say were nice, sort of a hotel room with jacuzzi!  But there were still some issues - ultrasounds had to be done elsewhere, if something went wrong they would still have to call an ambulance and have me taken to UNC hospital which is 25 minutes away. A little to risky for the husband.

So that left us with one more option, UNC Midwives - they seemed to us the best of both worlds.  At their clinic just like at any OB/GYN we come in for our monthly, then bi-weekly and then weekly visits with their mid-wives.  Rotating all six with every visit so we can get familiar with them and vice versa.  They have a separate floor at the UNC Hospital where i get a room that has a shower - no jacuzzi :(, an ipod sound system, tv, and what seems like a much more laid back atmosphere.  Unlike the OB floor, i can walk around because they use a wireless fetal monitoring system and they actually encourage you to eat and drink and bring in your own food (i'm leaning towards raw oysters and prosecco).  And most importantly, if something should go wrong all they gotta do is wheel me upstairs and there are trained OBs to step in.

In the end I really have no say as to how she'll be born.  But I like the idea that right up until that moment I'll be surrounded by people who want the same as me, to go au naturel.

Happy 14th NotBornYet Week!

The lima bean turns 14 weeks today.  We had our first appointment with the UNC Midwives on Tuesday and they confirmed that yes, in fact i am not delusional and there is this little mini-neelops growing inside me.  No ultrasound this appointment but we'll have the comprehensive 18 week ultrasound in a few weeks.  They did check the jellybean's heart-rate with a doppler and it was beating at 157 bpms.  Supposedly heart-beats for fetuses can range from 120-170.

Here's a picture of the peanut at 8 1/2 weeks with a whopping 175 beats per minute, moving around like a little spastic Mexican jumping bean!  At that point her appendages hadn't fully developed but you can see the arm nubs.

The Mothership has landed

A strange clanging sound, whirling red and blue lights, a cloud of smoke.  A UFO?  Nope.  The #79 Carolinian Amtrak train approaching with my mother.  Now I can just hear some of you laughing a bit, knowing how my mom and I can get when you get us in a room together and how I might react to a visit.  But I'm telling you these pregnancy hormones change everything!  From the moment she showed up I've just felt better.

Don't get me wrong we still bicker, I still snap at her over little things when I know I shouldn't and of course still disagree just for the sake of disagreeing but that's just the way it will always be.  She's been hear less than 24 hours and you can now see my kitchen floors and counter tops.  We've lined the cabinets, packed away the pantry and unpacked 90% of the kitchen boxes.  If I were doing this by myself it would take a week.

But its more than just the help.  Maybe its those little fears and insecurities floating around in my head about being a mother, will I be any good? what if I have a daughter like me? am I ready for my world, my lifestyle to turn upside on its head?  With mom here, I can still be her little girl, the argumentative, whining teenager who knows that no matter what Mom will always be there to take care of me...and cook me yummy food.

I probably don't say it enough, but thanks Mom. loves you.

Kicking the Habit

I've got an addiction.  Admitting you have a problem is one of the 12 steps to recovery, right?  Well i've got a pack a day addiction... to saltines.  In the blink of an eye I can polish off one sleeve like it were a glass of cava.  With 24/7 nausea they are the only thing that seems to pacify the waves of sickness caused by the massive overdose of hormones my body is keen on producing.  In the beginning it was just a few crackers here or there.  Then I started carrying them around in my little lime green indian bookshop bag, as a crutch in case the nausea kicked in and i needed a fix.  Now I wake up to a pack next to my bed.  Hell, i can't even sit up in bed until I've devoured at least half a sleeve.  My pre-breakfast snack.   And people it doesn't just stop at saltines, my husband is like a little school boy - he's never seen so many crackers and snacks in our pantry before! Triscuits, water crackers, sourdough pretzel nuggets, if you're a carb-packed snack, you're probably in my pantry.

So today, at week 12 day 7, the last day of my first trimester i have pledged to eliminate Saltines from my life and cut back on my daily crack(er) intake.  What's brought on such conviction, you might ask.  Word around the snack isle is that there is this glorious time during pregnancy where the nausea is infrequent, energy has returned to your weakened, less toned limbs and you remember how much you loved protein, they call this euphoria - Second Trimester.  So with the power of positive thinking on my side and visions of eating chicken parm and blackened cod, I'm going to think myself into being nauseated no longer!  If this girl can give up wine, beer & prosecco for 9 months (sort of) what's a couple of puny little starchy cardboard squares.

The next dilemna, without that saltine fix what will i be able to handle, if anything, for breakfast?  Options in the past have been oatmeal with walnuts & raisins (when i'm feeling exceptionally well), the usual whole wheat toast and peanut butter, a bowl of cereal preferably lucky charms with a splash of milk, or one hard boiled egg between two slices of whole wheat toast doused in hot sauce for the days when the guilt of not consuming enough protein takes over.  I'm going to think big and in this post-cracker era imagine my mornings to now include quiche lorraine,  spinach and feta (pasteurized of course) omelets, pumpkin pancakes and bacon or eggs benedict! Ugh...maybe i should hold off on such thoughts, day 1 of the Second Trimester isn't until tomorrow.

SQUAK! Lopa want a cracker!